My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
