He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
