Pappa wants mamma naked
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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