do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
