I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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