We're facebook friends in real life
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
