Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am one with the molecules
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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