she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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