You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
