Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
