OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize