Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
