Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
