I just saw a hot homeless man
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
