bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
