I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize