Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
