Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
did you just send me my own nude
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
