I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
