ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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