when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
