Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
time to smoke my breakfast
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
