We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
