Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
