I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
