ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
