We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
