I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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