as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You took a bar mat shot.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
