Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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