have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
