Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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