No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
