I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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