At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
