Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
