they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
