i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ketchup is God's man juice
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize