Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize