I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
