I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
