just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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