So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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