I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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