Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
