Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
