I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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