I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
