i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
