So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
