my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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