Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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