They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
