gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
