hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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