someone get that fucking seahorse.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
