I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
