I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize