found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
