Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
