on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
