Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
