I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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