I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
