is your mom at the bar?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
