All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
