At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
