The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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