im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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