The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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