i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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